Day 338 Self-forgiveness -and correction on money

 

Where the New Education Money Goes | The Range: The Tucson ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate money because I see it as evil in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that money has power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that money can direct me and to not see, realize and understand that this a self-created belief that seperates me from myself as the directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from myself as the directive principle by thinking that money can direct me and thus, has power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame money when I have just enough to pay the bills.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for not educating me on finances and within the blame I see myself giving up on myself in my financial situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself in my financial situation and to stay in this negative emotion for decades.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless and a victim of me being not educated enough on finance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up and take responsibility for my financial illiteracy when I realize I need more education and instead, blame my parents for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can educate myself on finances so I can direct myself more effectivly within the money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make money as a goal in my life, where money is the startingpoint of everything that I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase money and to not see, realize and understand that I am separating myself from me as the directive principle in my life.

When and as I am aware of me chasing money and so use money as a startingpoint to direct myself in this life, I stop and I breath. I realize that I am the directive principle of my life and that it’s my responsibility to investigate and understand the current monysystem, and to stand equal with it. I commit myself to take full responsibility for my financial situation and to educate myself about money whenever I see this is needed.

Day 336 living from my heart

black framed glass window with heart draw

It started in the fall of 2018 that I felt more tired than ever before. For a couple of months I had gone through some stressful situations. I had placed myself in an environment that wasn’t healthy for me and I was trying to find a way out of it.  The whole situation triggered a lot of stress within me and my body, to the point that I ended up in the hospital with an irregular heartbeat. While I was laying there, I immediately new that stress was the cause. In a chat with Sunette it became clear that my heart had stepped in to support me and was communicating with me; ” I can’t carry the burdens of the past any longer, I am ready to heal and be fulfilled with the heart of your presence, the love I know you can give to yourself and others… time to let go, let go, let go”. 

I was living in my mind too much and this was the cause of severe stress. As a solution, I had to define the words ‘living from my heart’. I opened up the word ‘heart’ and first thing that came up was a picture of a red heart and the word love, as it is symbolic for romantic love as most people will relate to. It’s interesting to know that the origin of the word ‘romantic’ means; ‘appealing to the imagination’ and ‘unreal’. So quite superficial. But many people referring to the heart in a more profound way as it represents the innermost of man:

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart.”  – Helen Keller

Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.” ― Rumi

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ― Kahlil Gibran

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” – Carl Jung

Within my investigation, I asked others about their perspectives on what it means to live from the heart. I took the words that I could agree on and completed them with what I had found myself;  Self-love, Self-care, compassion, trust, appreciation, gratitude, fulfillment, dedication, Self-expression, support, passion, growth, courage and expanding.  These words will support me in my process.

What I also did was to support myself and my body even more than I already did;  I started with poweryoga and, on a regular basis, I walk outside for at least 1 hour. I investigated which food will be beneficial for my body and I take supplements. Just to make sure I take full responsibility for the condition of my heart and body.

To be able to live from my heart, I have to unconditionally let go of the past. The self-blame, belief of not being good enough, guilt, regrets and judgements of who I was back then. Face it, forgive it and let it go. Writing supports me to dig into the dark places within myself, finding the memories that are attached with emotions and feelings that I carry with me. Time to let them go, to heal and fulfill myself.  It’s not about trying to correct myself to be better. It’s about who I am now, from the startingpoint of being Here in every moment of breath and Self-honesty.

To be continued…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 330 finding balance in new situations

balance

The year 2018 has brought me some major changes. I started a study and the study itself is brand new in my country. I can say it’s a challenge for everyone involved because pioneering means that we have to pave a way without having the experience from others. It’s walking a path that is still unknown and it comes with great uncertainty and services that are not yet available. It’s also a position that is lonely and it helps that I am part of group that experiences the same; we are in it together.

Myself and my body need to adapt to all the changes and I have a really hard time finding balance in what is being asked from me and what I am able to give.

What is interesting, is that I was ‘handling’ all of it by searching for solutions outside myself; ‘if this or that should change, it will be much better for me and than I will find balance’. I was blaming the whole situation for my imbalance until I reached the point of me ‘wanting to quit the whole damn thing’ and walk away.  This I would have done in the past for sure but it’s an action that isn’t valid now because I trust myself and my vision in this chosen path. What I need to do is to direct myself; take a look inside, finding answers in  what I need/will support me and speak up about what the best solution will be for me (and so for the others involved).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience an inbalance within myself in a chaotic situation and search outside for the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others/the situation for my imbalance and to think that/they need to change so I will find balance again and to not see, realize and understand that solutions are within me and that I am responsible for my body and health.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘want to give up the whole damn thing’ and as a result of this thought, I loose my ‘why’. Why I stepped in this adventure in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see the situation in a one dimensional view and to not consider all dimensions in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can create space for myself to find the answer I need by writing it all out and see things in perspective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the need within me for space, where I can support myself with all the fears that are coming up within the uncertainty of the unknown path I am walking.

When and as I am aware of myself searching for answers outside myself, I stop and I breath. I will direct myself within writing Self-forgiveness and Self-correction so I can see what is best for me- and others.

When and as I am aware of wanting to walk away from a decision I once made, based on black and white thoughts as seeing the only solution in it, I stop and I breath. I will write it all out, apply SF and SC until I see a solution that is best all.

I commit myself to create the space I need to be able to adjust to all the new changes that are going on.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I can find all solutions/support I need within myself.

I commit myself to investigate and consider all dimensions involved in a situation so I can find a solution that is best for all.

Day 325 from being judgmental to supporting my body

Afbeeldingsresultaat voor love thyself

I have built a closer relationship since only a few years with my body. In my process I came to realize that my body is supporting me and that it gives me the opportunity to experience myself in this life. Before this realization my body was ‘just there’. I wasn’t connected with it in a caring way, because most of the time I was busy with the world around me, not paying attention to myself.

For decades I had ignored the signals my body gave me when I ate enough but still continued to eat. I ignored the tiredness after I ate an overdose of sugar, day in and day out for years and years.  I ignored the rest and support my body needed when it was sick and instead I continued with work, school or daily responsibilities. The effects of smoking I ignored for many years until the signals became literally to painful to ignore. This could happen because I didn’t care about me in the first place, I didn’t love myself at all.

I became more aware of my body when I started my journey inwards. The journey inwards was the beginning of an intimate relationship with myself and simultaneously with my body.

Through gaining more understanding of how thoughts, emotions and feelings were effecting my body, I could see the consequences. I started to investigate them and discovered that I wasn’t supporting myself at all. It was a race to the bottom where I hit the ground really hard. In that moment I made the decision to take another direction in my life and started the journey inwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay attention to the world outside of me and to not take responsibility for what’s going on in my mind and body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my body is ‘just there’ and to use this thought as a distraction from my self-responsibility.to keep in touch with what is going on inside me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the signal that my body is giving me when I ate too much food or I ate an overdose of sugar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take enough rest when my body is sick and to not support it with what it needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I crossed the boundaries of my body and instead have the thought that my body will do whatever and whenever I want it to do as if it were a machine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what I am doing with my thoughts to my body is also mirroring the relationship I have with myself and with life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start addictions to sugar and cigarettes and to justify them with compromising thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is a relationship between my thoughts, emotions, feelings and my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see the purpose of my body; that it is supporting me to experiencing myself in this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the needs of my body and to withhold it from the right nutrition and balance in rest it specifically needs.

When and as I am aware of ignoring signals my body gives me, I stop and breath. I do realize that my body communicates with me and supports me in my process.

I commit myself to enhance the relationship with my body, providing it with specific nutrition, movement and to balance movement with the amount of rest that my body needs.

I commit myself to investigate my thoughts, ideas, judgments and patterns I held about my body and to release them through writing Self-Forgiveness statements and correct them with words that support myself as life as who I truly am.

 

 

Day 320 how to make a real yes or no

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There have been enough situations in my life where I have said yes or no to a question or situation without considering myself in it or the consequences. I would simply ‘follow my positive feelings’ which I saw as my intuition that would lead me in the ‘right’ direction. Most of the time it would lead to unwanted consequences for myself and  for those who were involved.

I can be very enthusiastic, saying yes very quickly before I make an informed decision within myself, weighing all the possible facts and outcomes, who’s involved within it, what do I need, what are the consequences short and long term. It helps me a lot to take the time to create a real yes or no, an advice my father once gave me; ‘sleep over it for a night’, which allows me to take the time to investigate the situation or the question. First I will make a clear decision for myself, then talk it through with others who are involved in it and so in the consequences of it all. If I do it this way, I make sure it is a balanced decision. It will support me in periods of my life when I have allready a lot of responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say yes immediately to a question or situation and to not consider the consequences of my decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in an enthusiastic energetic state when saying yes to something, where I can see the desire to do things for others so I can validate myself through them as I want them to see me as a giving and friendly person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate positive energy so I can fulfill my desire to validate myself through others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my positive feelings and seeing them as my intuition and to not see, realize and understand that this is not a real and sustainable direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my real needs in a decision that I need to make and instead only see what I can do for others to generate positive energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not first take the responsibility to really care for myself in a decision that I need to make.

When and as I see myself wanting to say yes (or no)  immediately without making an informed decision within myself, I stop and I breath. I will take the time to investigate the question or situation within myself, looking for all possible outcomes and consequences so I can make it a real yes or no.

I commit myself to – when needed – take the time to say yes or no, investigate possible outcomes, weigh things out, look for the consequences short- and long term and see who is involved within my decision. I see, realize and understand that in doing it this way, I can make it a real yes or no and step into it (or not) with full responsibility for myself and my decision.