Day 332 understanding the intensity of sadness

grayscale photo of person's back

I have noticed that I am still carrying an intense feeling of sadness within me since Prince died in 2016. When hearing he died, I wasn’t able to speak about it for a few hours because of the overwhelming emotions I felt within me.

Because of it coming up every once and while, and feeling the intensity again, I wanted to understand it so I can release it while knowing that experiencing sadness is normal.

I have listened to this interview to be able to understand what sadness is. It is an energetic experience that actually accumulates in our mind, beingness and body throughout  time. It’s not an experience that all of a sudden is coming up out of nowhere when someone is not in your world or reality anymore.

When developing an intimate relationship (in my case with a specific kind of artist and his music) over time, the sadness emotional energy already starts accumulating, manifesting and layering within my mind at the start of it. I was mentally preparing myself for the moment of loss because the more intimacy you develop over time, with something or someone,  what also simulthaneously develop is that fear of loss.

But how much of our relationship is  more energetically based than really in fact are reality, practically, physically and meaningfull based?

What I did is constructively used my imagination and place the artist and his music in front of me and saw how much my relationship with his music is energy based. In this case with positive energy. I have accumulated this in my mind, beingness and body over time in more than 30 years.

After listening to the interview, I can see that there is gratefulness  within me for the real joy this artist still brings in my life through his music.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel absolutely overwhelmed by the sadness I experience after Prince died.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the sadness and the intensity of it, while knowing that it is a very unpleasant experience within me and to not investigate what sadness actually is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that sadness is suddenly created and manifested in the moment someone leaves this reality and to not consider that the intensity and overwhelming extent of the sadness I experience in those moments shows that it must have accumulated over time in my mind, being and body and could not have been generated in an instant moment of loosing someone.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand  that the energy of sadness already starts accumulating, manifesting and layering within me, within and throughout the time that I am developing an intimate relationship with something or someone.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that I have created the habit of simultaneously developing a relationship with someone and in the back of my mind, already preparing myself for the moment of losing that someone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a positive energy based relationship with the artist and his music and to not see, realize and understand how this in fact is related to my fear of loosing his music when he died.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience sadness as a comfortable energy and to belief that it makes the loss more bearable and meaningful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that so long as I am sad by the loss of Prince, that I am still honouring him through my sadness, as though the sadness is keeping him alive in me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that without being the artist here in my world,  what remains is the music and the gift of the words that I saw he was expressing, being able to gift this to myself.  Therefore I am grateful.

 

I especially recommend the interview  when being in a close and intimate relationship and/or when you have lost someone you were close to and the person is out of your reality/world.