Day 340 understanding my anger

Schreeuwen, Boos, Gezicht, Vrouw, Eng, Agressieve

In a conversation with someone, I got irritated and angry. A wave of anger came up within me and I said things I’d rather not have said. I was aware of all the thoughts and emotions that came up within me and it was overwhelming.

I was shocked and I felt fear because of the force of the anger. It seems as if I was sucked into the overwhelmingness. It felt stronger than me. I was aware of me giving up in that moment and as a result of that, I went full into the energy of anger. It was as if I couldn’t stop it.  Then thoughts, memories, backchats and fear fuelled it even more and the anger became rage.

The anger was still there the next day. I wanted it to stop and therefore I knew that I needed to have a better understanding of the energy so I can stop it from being activated within me.

I listened to 3  Eqafe interviews about anger which I found very supportive. I can relate to all that is explained about anger. After listening to all three of the interviews, I now have a better understanding and how I can stop the energy within myself.

What became clear is that I first and foremost need to sort out the relationship that I have with anger. I can see that I have created a relationship within my mind where I think that when I am angry, I have more power. Which is an illusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the illusion in my mind that when I am angry, I have more power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with anger in my mind which is based on the illusion of having power when being angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately become angry so I feel empowered and superior and to not see, realize and understand that becoming angry is an indication of me thinking that the other person has power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the other person has power over me and as a reaction to my assumption, I become angry and feel empowered and superior over the other person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am superior over another person when being angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated as a reaction to the words or behaviour from another person and to fuel the energy with backchats, memories and thoughts so the irritation builds up and becomes anger and rage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say things to other people in anger and out of frustration and immediately have regret of my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by the force of anger that comes up within me very fast and unexpected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the energy of anger is stronger than I am and therefore I give it power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself when feeling overwhelmed by the force of anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear when anger comes up with a strong force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my body become tensed and tight when irritation comes up and hold on to it.

When and as I am aware of me feeling irritated or when I feel anger comes up, I stop and I breath.  I realize that I can and need  stabilize myself and direct my presence out of the energy with patience so the energy of irritation or anger will release. I realize that when I am calm, I can communicate clearly and effective with the other person. I commit myself to stabilize and  direct myself into a calm presence when irritation comes up so I can communicate clearly. I commit myself to see, realize and understand that a stable presence is powerful.