Day 343 irritation coming up…again?!

color-1597810_1280

I got irritated with someone the other day. It started with a slight irritation but in a few minutes it became a burst of anger. I thought that I had worked through this pattern of irritation and anger, but no. Negative thoughts came up as judgments towards myself. I also felt disappointed because of the fact that irritation did came up again and then frustration and despair kicked in. But I also noticed that I wanted to push the other person away from me.

I started to investigate the situation but I didn’t understand why it had happened again. I found myself stuck at this point. I had a chat with my buddy and she told me that irritation can be triggered in different situations. The fact that it had happen again, showed me that I haven’t seen the bigger pattern yet.

In this specific situation the other person acted in a different way than I had expected. held on to my expectations about how the other person should act. This leaded up to a conflict in my mind; reality was different than my expectations.

She also showed me that it’s not the other person that I want to push away, but; ‘where this actually comes from is from wanting to end a particular experience/acceptance/allowance within self’. And how those thoughts are actually coming from a ‘real point’ of communication from within/as self, but obviously within the mind they get twisted to create conflict’. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop irritation in the moment when I notice it and instead accept and allow it to build up within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to feel the experience of irritation within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let irritation build up until it comes out as a burst of anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by the negative emotions and to think that it’s to strong to directly snap out of it where I do not see, realize and understand that I can direct myself out of it in any moment by focusing on my breath until I become stable again and thus being able to direct the situation in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that irritation can come up in different situations, which shows me that it needs to open up more so I can see the bigger pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think -as an expectation- that I totally have worked through this specific point and therefore think that it will not come up again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed at myself when irritation comes up again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judgments towards myself and become harsh because of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tension in my body as a consequence of my judgments as negative thoughts as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated as a result of my expectations when they don’t match reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drown myself in despair when irritation comes up again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I lost my self-confidence because of the thoughts that I am not able to break this pattern where I don’t see, realize and understand that confidence is Here within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s not the person that I want to push away, but the experience within myself that I don’t want to have and would like to end.

When and as I am aware of me having expectations of how another person should be or act, I stop and I breath. I realize that when I stay Here, with support of my breath, I can direct the situation to what is best for all. And so I commit myself to stay Here and direct myself to what is best for all.