At the end of 2017 I was in a situation that I had walked several paths in my life that came to an end. I was very passionate about some of them and I have learned a lot along the way. I don’t see it as failing but more as pathways that have contributed to my development and growth. With each path I had walked, I learned new skills and expanded myself. I have pushed myself out of my comfortzone to do things that I was afraid of. For example working with kids and elderly, being a projectleader, keeping a business administration, introducing a new product and for a short amount of time I was part of a cliënt counsil.
Now back to the end of 2017; All of the pathways had ended and I realized that for the first time in my life, I didn’t know which path to take. I had no idea at all and I noticed this panic within me; like I was lost and out of direction. I was looking for a word that could support me within this situation and what came up was the word ‘inspiration’.
The word ‘inspiration’ was a well-known friend of mine back in the nineties when I was a Fashion-Academy student. I had to come up with a design-collection from scratch and I was used to inspiration coming to me almost at the time that I needed it. And now it didn’t happen, nothing, zero, nada.
After a talk with my buddy about this I realized that I have limited myself by defining inspiration as something that is here right away – instantly when I need it. She showed me another perspective; to take the time and patience to look at it for a while, knowing that something is out there, but it’s not immediately clear where it will take me. And sometimes inspiration is like a seed that is planted and takes time to mature within me. This was an eye-opener that really supported me.
In the beginning of this year I got an interesting email that leads me to the start of a whole new pathway…
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear when I don’t know which direction I can take in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like there is no ground underneath my feet when I don’t have a direction in my life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel panic and feeling like I am standing still – no movement when there is no direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it’s a dead end when there is no direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop myself from common sense and solutions when I panic and go into a negative state of mind where everything seems to be hopeless.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to have the perspective that inspiration can instantly come to me when I think I need it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am lost and don’t know which road to take and to not see, realize and understand that inspiration is out there and it might take a while to see it.