Day 344 from insecurity to Self-Authority

Miranda-Authority

In the past couple of months I ended up in situations with people where I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to handle the situations and moments in an effective way. What I was aware of was my reaction to it; where I knew that it wasn’t best to become emotional but I simply didn’t know what else to do. I froze and this activated insecurity within me where I felt powerless, making myself smaller and the other person superior where I had to stop myself from going into victimization where I would give the other person too much power.

I contacted someone to discuss this point and in the feedback I received they mentioned the word ‘authority’.  This word resonated immediately within me as the support that I needed in these specific moments/situations.

I have to become my own authority where it’s not about going into superiority, but to assist and support myself in my change to stand as an authority inside myself and so can direct situations much more effectively. The word authority will assist me to -slowly but surely- walk myself through the process from insecurity to live Self-Authority.

The solution for me to move through moments of insecurity is to slow down myself, assist myself to go into breathing until I am grounded and stable. Then I can take in the situation, consider other people who are involved, walk through every detail so I can make an informed decision of how this point can be resolved.

For me it’s crucial to take others into consideration who are involved; where they are, can they handle reality? My own position and responsibility, because if I don’t do this, it’s easy to go into blame and judgments towards the other and into fight or flight mode. I then stay part of the problem and not the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into insecurity in moments/situations where I don’t know what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see insecurity as being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to freeze in moments where I don’t know what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless as a result of fear when not knowing what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself smaller and others superior as a result of my insecurity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go into victimization when I make myself smaller and the other superior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the words ‘ see cure’ in ‘insecurity’ which helps me to ‘see the cure’ as in a specific living word that supports me to change myself in the process from being insecure to live Self-Authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disempower myself as a result of feeling insecure and to not see, realize and understand that I can assist myself with a specific word that will help me move through moments of insecurity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not slow down and ground myself when I don’t know what to do and to not take in all the information/details of the point/situation/moment to walk through effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration where the other person is, and therefore go into blame and judgment and fight and flight mode where I know I stay part of the problem and not the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stay part of the problem and not the solution which is not what is best for all in the situation.

When and as I am aware of me becoming insecure in a moment or situation that’s new for me and I don’t know what to do, I will slow myself down by breathing, until I am stable, grounded, Here again.  I realize that when I am stable and calm, I can take in all the information, details, consider others that are involved and commit myself to make an informed decision to walk through a moment or situation into the best solution for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that Self-Authority is a gift that will come, a new Self-Expression that will emerge if I stand by myself in my process of change.

 

Day 343 irritation coming up…again?!

color-1597810_1280

I got irritated with someone the other day. It started with a slight irritation but in a few minutes it became a burst of anger. I thought that I had worked through this pattern of irritation and anger, but no. Negative thoughts came up as judgments towards myself. I also felt disappointed because of the fact that irritation did came up again and then frustration and despair kicked in. But I also noticed that I wanted to push the other person away from me.

I started to investigate the situation but I didn’t understand why it had happened again. I found myself stuck at this point. I had a chat with my buddy and she told me that irritation can be triggered in different situations. The fact that it had happen again, showed me that I haven’t seen the bigger pattern yet.

In this specific situation the other person acted in a different way than I had expected. held on to my expectations about how the other person should act. This leaded up to a conflict in my mind; reality was different than my expectations.

She also showed me that it’s not the other person that I want to push away, but; ‘where this actually comes from is from wanting to end a particular experience/acceptance/allowance within self’. And how those thoughts are actually coming from a ‘real point’ of communication from within/as self, but obviously within the mind they get twisted to create conflict’. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop irritation in the moment when I notice it and instead accept and allow it to build up within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to feel the experience of irritation within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let irritation build up until it comes out as a burst of anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by the negative emotions and to think that it’s to strong to directly snap out of it where I do not see, realize and understand that I can direct myself out of it in any moment by focusing on my breath until I become stable again and thus being able to direct the situation in what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that irritation can come up in different situations, which shows me that it needs to open up more so I can see the bigger pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think -as an expectation- that I totally have worked through this specific point and therefore think that it will not come up again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disappointed at myself when irritation comes up again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judgments towards myself and become harsh because of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tension in my body as a consequence of my judgments as negative thoughts as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated as a result of my expectations when they don’t match reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drown myself in despair when irritation comes up again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I lost my self-confidence because of the thoughts that I am not able to break this pattern where I don’t see, realize and understand that confidence is Here within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s not the person that I want to push away, but the experience within myself that I don’t want to have and would like to end.

When and as I am aware of me having expectations of how another person should be or act, I stop and I breath. I realize that when I stay Here, with support of my breath, I can direct the situation to what is best for all. And so I commit myself to stay Here and direct myself to what is best for all.

Day 342 Self-expression in clothes & colors

jas (1)

In a conversation about colors it came up that I had worn a lot of black clothes in the past. Especially in the time that I was studying and working in fashion. I copied it from other designers, based on the thought ‘that I need to wear black because I am working with colors every day, so I don’t want to express myself in colors too’.

Looking back, I do see that by wearing black I was actually hiding who I really was. Wearing black clothes reflected well how I was suppressing parts of myself. It was interesting that the clothes and (fabric) designs that I made, were colorful and expressive. Apparently I had found a way to express myself through my designs.

During the years I always had a preference for wearing black clothes, but now being in process to become who I truly am, I become more aware of why I wear certain clothes and colors. I realized that my choices had not so much to do with expressing and supporting myself, but more if it is comfortable and not attracting too much attention. For instance, I don’t like it when people make compliments when I wear something that looks good on me or they like my outfit. It’s not about the compliments, but more about me getting attention from others. But this can not longer be an excuse to not express myself within clothes and colors.

And so I am now in the process of buying clothes that I really like, with colors that support me and which are an expression of me. Yet, I notice that I can easily fall back into my comfort zone of comfortable and unnoticed clothing and use of color. And I can buy clothes that I really like but end up not wearing them because of the thought ‘that’s not me’. And therefore;

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wear black clothes based on a thought that I copied from someone else and to not see, realize and understand that by wearing black, I actually hide/suppress parts of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully express myself through clothes in colors and dessins that I like and which support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that colors are here to support me and allow me to express who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make myself invisible by wearing clothes that don’t make me stand out too much from the crowd.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be noticed by others as a reason to wear plain and comfortable clothes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come up with excuses to not wear clothes that are an expression of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress parts of who I really am and to not express them in full color and my full potential. I realize that what I try to hide is actually my own color; the one that makes me ‘me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide/suppress my own color, and my own voice because I don’t want to stand out. And because it will show myself and who I really am. To be able to this, I need to be vulnerable and take full responsibility for who I am and that’s a scary process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel scared about expressing my own color and voice; my childlike expression, my vulnerability, my passion, me being a bit crazy, adventurous,  and everything else that I am and living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back in my comfortzone of wearing comfortable but ‘safe’ clothes who are not an expression of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy clothes that I really like but not wearing them because of the thought ‘it’s not me’, and to not thoroughly investigate this thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the thought ‘it’s not me’ actually is showing and supporting me to see a part of me that I try to hide.

When and as I am aware of me wanting to buy clothes that are not an expression of who I am but  are more fitting in my comfortzone, I stop and I breath. I realize that I can support myself when buying new clothes by asking myself and my body if the clothes are an expression and support of and for me. And so I commit myself to buy clothes in colors, fabrics and style that supports me and are an expression of who I am.

I commit myself to fully express me, my own color and voice, without holding back.

 

 

Day 341 self-forgiveness related to believes about myself when being part of a group

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I am in doubt of the moment when I should make a stand for myself and my principles when being part of a group.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can’t be in doubt of the moment when I should speak up for myself and to not see, realise and understand that doubt will alway’s be there when I want to speak up for myself and/or make a stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait with speaking up for myself because of the doubt that I have. Where I can see that this has to do with me assessing the situation that I want to speak up about to make sure that what I see is correct and not be colored by emotions, believes or assumptions or make things personal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought that I can’t make misstakes when being part of a group. Meaning that I have to be a groupmember that is the perfect example of being a self-leader, showing others how to be effective in every situation. I can self-honestly say that this is not where I am now as I see that it it’s a  process of me becoming that effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I have to like people when working together.  Where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that working together is not about making things personal or that I have to like (or not like) people to be able to work with them, and instead to see  that it is all about what I can bring to this project or organisation/business. And to know what my strength is and  bring that into the project.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I should be able to work with everybody when being part of a group.

When and as I am aware of me being in doubt of which moment I should speak up when being part of a group, I stop and I breath. I realise that doubt will be there. I can embrace it and at the same time, speak up and/or make a stand. I commit myself to embrace doubt within myself and to speak up/stand up when I see it’s needed.

When and as I am aware of me making things personal when being part of a group, I stop and breath. I realise that it is all about me bringing in my strengths to accomplish the task/goal we have. And so I commit myself to focus on the tasks that needs to be done and to bring in my strengths.

Recommended: Leadership: being able to work with everyone

 

Day 340 understanding my anger

Schreeuwen, Boos, Gezicht, Vrouw, Eng, Agressieve

In a conversation with someone, I got irritated and angry. A wave of anger came up within me and I said things I’d rather not have said. I was aware of all the thoughts and emotions that came up within me and it was overwhelming.

I was shocked and I felt fear because of the force of the anger. It seems as if I was sucked into the overwhelmingness. It felt stronger than me. I was aware of me giving up in that moment and as a result of that, I went full into the energy of anger. It was as if I couldn’t stop it.  Then thoughts, memories, backchats and fear fuelled it even more and the anger became rage.

The anger was still there the next day. I wanted it to stop and therefore I knew that I needed to have a better understanding of the energy so I can stop it from being activated within me.

I listened to 3  Eqafe interviews about anger which I found very supportive. I can relate to all that is explained about anger. After listening to all three of the interviews, I now have a better understanding and how I can stop the energy within myself.

What became clear is that I first and foremost need to sort out the relationship that I have with anger. I can see that I have created a relationship within my mind where I think that when I am angry, I have more power. Which is an illusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the illusion in my mind that when I am angry, I have more power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with anger in my mind which is based on the illusion of having power when being angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately become angry so I feel empowered and superior and to not see, realize and understand that becoming angry is an indication of me thinking that the other person has power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the other person has power over me and as a reaction to my assumption, I become angry and feel empowered and superior over the other person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am superior over another person when being angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated as a reaction to the words or behaviour from another person and to fuel the energy with backchats, memories and thoughts so the irritation builds up and becomes anger and rage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say things to other people in anger and out of frustration and immediately have regret of my words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel overwhelmed by the force of anger that comes up within me very fast and unexpected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the energy of anger is stronger than I am and therefore I give it power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself when feeling overwhelmed by the force of anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear when anger comes up with a strong force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my body become tensed and tight when irritation comes up and hold on to it.

When and as I am aware of me feeling irritated or when I feel anger comes up, I stop and I breath.  I realize that I can and need  stabilize myself and direct my presence out of the energy with patience so the energy of irritation or anger will release. I realize that when I am calm, I can communicate clearly and effective with the other person. I commit myself to stabilize and  direct myself into a calm presence when irritation comes up so I can communicate clearly. I commit myself to see, realize and understand that a stable presence is powerful.

Day 339 not wanting others to worry about me

kristina-flour-BcjdbyKWquw-unsplash (1)Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

I was in the hospital for treatment of my irregular heartbeat. It had started a day before and couldn’t be controlled with medication. The protocol prescribes that I have to go to the hospital if the irregular heartbeat lasts for 24 hours. After a check up by the doctor I decided to go to the hospital the next morning. I was treated with a cardioversion that made my heartbeat normal again. After this I informed my family about the incident. My daughter (who stayed at my mothers house) told me that she didn’t like it that I hadn’t told her about my hospital treatment. I told her that I hadn’t because I didn’t want her to worry -or be in panic- over me. She then indicated that she would not panic and that she could continue to function in school. If only I would keep her informed. And so:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take into consideration that my daughter wants to be informed of a possible hospital treatment I need to have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it’s not necessary to inform my family because I realize that I can handle the situation on my own and therefore it’s no need that they should know about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my daughter can’t handle the situation if she finds out about it and because of it, she will loose her concentration in school.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think to know that if I tell others, they make it way to big and will worry about me all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want others to worry about me because I then start worrying about them and it will be an extra burden for me to take and therefore I keep quiet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to carry the worry of others about my heart dis ease.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s best to inform the people that I am closest to so we can have an open communication about the situation and see what is best to do in that specific moment.

When and as I am aware of me wanting to keep things for myself -about my health-, because I don’t want  other people to worry about me, I stop and I breath. I realize that I can have an open communication with my daughter and loved ones about the situation I am in, as I see it can help all of us being informed and therefore stay calm.

I commit myself to have an open communication with my daughter and loved ones about anything that is health related and relevant for them to know about. In that way we are all informed and on the same page.

 

Day 338 Self-forgiveness -and correction on money

 

Where the New Education Money Goes | The Range: The Tucson ...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate money because I see it as evil in the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that money has power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that money can direct me and to not see, realize and understand that this a self-created belief that seperates me from myself as the directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from myself as the directive principle by thinking that money can direct me and thus, has power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame money when I have just enough to pay the bills.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for not educating me on finances and within the blame I see myself giving up on myself in my financial situation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself in my financial situation and to stay in this negative emotion for decades.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless and a victim of me being not educated enough on finance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up and take responsibility for my financial illiteracy when I realize I need more education and instead, blame my parents for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can educate myself on finances so I can direct myself more effectivly within the money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make money as a goal in my life, where money is the startingpoint of everything that I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to chase money and to not see, realize and understand that I am separating myself from me as the directive principle in my life.

When and as I am aware of me chasing money and so use money as a startingpoint to direct myself in this life, I stop and I breath. I realize that I am the directive principle of my life and that it’s my responsibility to investigate and understand the current monysystem, and to stand equal with it. I commit myself to take full responsibility for my financial situation and to educate myself about money whenever I see this is needed.

Day 337 Let’s talk about money

Geldmachine Aan Druk Nieuwe Euro Bankbiljetten Stock ...

When I found out as a little girl that there was such a thing as poverty and that not everyone had enough money for food, I asked my parents how money was made; “Money is printed on a machine,” my parents answered. I immediately responded with ‘then more money has to be printed so that everyone has money for food’. My parents then explained something about money that didn’t make sense at all to me.  I saw that my solution was the most simple one.

When I grew up I noticed that our family lived in a bigger house than other people. My parents ran their own business that did well but their employees lived in a smaller house. Both my parents and the employees worked very hard and yet there was that inequality … I felt very uncomfortable with it and wanted to know how this inequality could exists.

At 21 I left my parental home and found myself financially illiterate. I now had to do what my parents had always done for me; taking care of myself, also with finances. I studied and made sure that I paid my  bills.  I  ended up in low paid jobs where I worked 40 hours a week and barely managed to pay the bills. The possibilities that I had as a child, because my parents could afford it (having my own horse, go on vacation, go to a private school that I chose myself), no longer existed. I just made enough money to pay the bills and that was it.  I started to hate money and I saw it as evil in the world. I even blamed my parents secretly for not educating me on finances. I  never took the responsibilty for educating myself on how to make more money in the system. I chose to stay a victim.

I worked for a multinational where I soon realized that it was all about money and profit. They didn’t care about their staff, given the low salaries and the constant focus from the management team on money. I realized that I cared more about myself than they did and I wanted to see the care reflected back on me. I wanted to work in a place where the welbeing of people was seen as most important instead of profit. I investigated other work places and companies  but saw that profit was a goal everywhere. At that time, around 2008,  I realized that this was a reflection of my own relationship with money; I had made money as a goal in my life. I was chasing it. It came as a big shock to me to  realize all of  this.   From that moment on I started to investigate my thoughts and beliefs about money and saw that we, as humanity, don’t need money at all to be alive. It was a self-created belief that I was participating in.

I realized something else too; we can ALL have access to life, we don’t need to work so we can buy a life (i am not saying that we don’t have to work at all, because we have created enough problems on this earth that needs to be solved). We have created beliefs about life and money that has manifested itself in a money-system that is a survival of the fittest and not best for all. It’s based on self-interest. When you have money you have access to life -the millionaires and billionaires- and when you don’t have it, you will suffer, you will die directly -people in third world countries- or you have just enough to not die immediately -people without a job, people who work full time for low wages, people on welfare, flexworkers, freelancers etc.

The majority of people don’t have autonomy and freedom to make choices that are best for them en their loved ones. Autonomy and freedom go hand in hand with having money. It’s possible to solve the huge gap between the few that have access to life and the majority that doesn’t. It starts with myself, ourselves by investigating our beliefs, to question them and to correct them into the best outcome for all.

In my next blog I will write self-forgiveness and self-correction about my beliefs about money.

Day 336 living from my heart

black framed glass window with heart draw

It started in the fall of 2018 that I felt more tired than ever before. For a couple of months I had gone through some stressful situations. I had placed myself in an environment that wasn’t healthy for me and I was trying to find a way out of it.  The whole situation triggered a lot of stress within me and my body, to the point that I ended up in the hospital with an irregular heartbeat. While I was laying there, I immediately new that stress was the cause. In a chat with Sunette it became clear that my heart had stepped in to support me and was communicating with me; ” I can’t carry the burdens of the past any longer, I am ready to heal and be fulfilled with the heart of your presence, the love I know you can give to yourself and others… time to let go, let go, let go”. 

I was living in my mind too much and this was the cause of severe stress. As a solution, I had to define the words ‘living from my heart’. I opened up the word ‘heart’ and first thing that came up was a picture of a red heart and the word love, as it is symbolic for romantic love as most people will relate to. It’s interesting to know that the origin of the word ‘romantic’ means; ‘appealing to the imagination’ and ‘unreal’. So quite superficial. But many people referring to the heart in a more profound way as it represents the innermost of man:

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt within the heart.”  – Helen Keller

Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.” ― Rumi

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ― Kahlil Gibran

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.” – Carl Jung

Within my investigation, I asked others about their perspectives on what it means to live from the heart. I took the words that I could agree on and completed them with what I had found myself;  Self-love, Self-care, compassion, trust, appreciation, gratitude, fulfillment, dedication, Self-expression, support, passion, growth, courage and expanding.  These words will support me in my process.

What I also did was to support myself and my body even more than I already did;  I started with poweryoga and, on a regular basis, I walk outside for at least 1 hour. I investigated which food will be beneficial for my body and I take supplements. Just to make sure I take full responsibility for the condition of my heart and body.

To be able to live from my heart, I have to unconditionally let go of the past. The self-blame, belief of not being good enough, guilt, regrets and judgements of who I was back then. Face it, forgive it and let it go. Writing supports me to dig into the dark places within myself, finding the memories that are attached with emotions and feelings that I carry with me. Time to let them go, to heal and fulfill myself.  It’s not about trying to correct myself to be better. It’s about who I am now, from the startingpoint of being Here in every moment of breath and Self-honesty.

To be continued…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 335 Self-forgiveness and corrections on my thoughts about debt

Self-Forgiveness - Cornerstone Christian Counseling

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get myself into debt -a personal loan- without educating myself first on what debt is and the long-term consequences of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I get myself into debt for things that I don’t need and which only fuel my short term wants, needs and desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not educate myself about debt before going into  it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get into debt with a startingpoint that is based on self-interest and to not use common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create issues around debt and to not investigate where those issues come from and to not stop them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my debt for a long time, not dealing with it and paying it off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s not the debt that causes the tension and stress, what I am really worried about are the things that coming up, about what can go wrong and I don’t have the money to pay back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear when going into debt because of me thinking that I will never be able to pay it back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put pressure and tension on my body for years and to not see, realize and understand the long term consequences for my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, now I am debt free, I will never ever go into debt again and to not see, realize and understand that the whole worldsystem is based on debt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I borrow money, that I borrow it from debt itself, so I am always paying back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the debt system is an external manifestation of who we are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am taking from life and that debt starts with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the debt I should carry upon my shoulders, is the debt that I have to pay back to my physical body, to life and to myself.

When and as I am aware of me going into fear when faced with debt, I stop and I breath. I realize that I can stand equal to debt as what is accepted and allowed as the worldsystem we have today.

I commit myself to, whenever I am  faced with debt, to make sure it’s a practical debt as a future investment and to not make unnecessary debt and to not make it a big issue. I will hold on to what I need to create in my life, to add in the things that I need.

I commit myself to pay back to life, my body and being by taking good care on a daily basis.

I commit myself to fullfil myself as a person as much as I can and to see, realize and understand that there is no problem with that.