Day 329 Self-created believes about money and Life

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This blog is a continuation from the previous one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought that I have a right to live here on earth only when I have money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I only have value for myself and others, when I have money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that when I don’t have money, I don’t have a right to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that without money I am nothing, I will gain no respect from myself or other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my startingpoint of giving me a reason to live is money and not Life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that Life itself doesn’t need money to be able to exist. It is already Here and always has been.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to work for money/to have access to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to work harder to be able to earn more money and thus more Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from life by holding on to the idea that I need money to be able to have access to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fully believe the lie – as a thought-  that I need money to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to think that I need to survive here on earth and to not see, realize and understand that this is a self-created thought to separate me from Life that is Here already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that Life itself needs to be valued and honoured instead of money.

I do realize that we as humanity somewhere in history, decided to live with money as a way to trade food and products and somewhere down that line, we began to see money as god, something to live for. By doing that, we separate ourselves from Life. We can make a choice to be in allignment with Life by giving everyone a Living Income that is guaranteed from birth till dead. A life that is best for all.

 

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Day 328 how can I really help others with no money?

 

For a while now I was puzzling with the question within myself of how to support others when they don’t have the money for the help they need.

In this world when you have money you can buy time, space and support that is specifically needed for you; a coach, a therapist, a counselor etc. If needed, you take more time for yourself and decide to work less or take a month or more off from work to work on the things that you struggle with in life. You can stay autonomous and free to choose what is specifically needed for you.

The majority of people in this world have no money or just enough to be able to provide a minimum income to pay food and bills. When they reach out for help, they immediately loose their autonomy and freedom of choice to find the specific help they need. There is a huge prejudice in this world that people without money don’t know how to help themselves and theirfore others -with money- direct people to listen to them as this outside authority that knows best. This has consequences that are not best for them.

I was looking at this prejudice within myself and could clearly see that I had held the idea of me being someone because I have money. And when I have money, I have the right to be here/to live. If not, I am nothing and I have no right to live on this earth. I have no meaning whatsoever to exist. So somewhere in my life I have created this thought, this idea that money gives me acces to life. In the next blog I will apply self-forgiveness and self-correction on this point.

If we provide enough money for all of humanity, it will help eachother with the specific support everyone needs. It will help people stay autonomous within their choices.

I am trying to find a way to help people who struggle and reach out for support and don’t have money for it. How can I create time and space within the current system for real support?  It begins with me.

This interview was of great support for me within the point of supporting someone. I quote; ‘you need to be the person that hold their hands, no matter how long it takes, but that handholding relationship should be defined within a written agreement’. This is the frame that is really needed; support can only work when there is an agreement with myself first;

  • what do I expect of myself?
  • what is it that I like to achieve?
  • what am I going to accept and allowe and what not?

We create space in the system for people by giving equal money to all. We can create space within ourselves by taking away our prejudices, with no timeframe set because looking at myself; it took me 6 years to walk through some tough points in my life ( I was completely lost within myself) to where I am now. In this 6 years I am (and still) supported by people who walk with me, who never react to my process, and stick with me as long as I stick with myself and my own agreement.

A few other words from the interview that I find very supportive when supporting myself and/or others; start small, be realistic, be honest and start with how much you can handle. Don’t compare yourself with others.

As long as I am committed and work on my own self-agreement and the other is on theirs, the support is real.

 

Day 327 judgements about my body

Pop, Pop In Spiegel Kijken, Griezelige

For quite some time I have judgmental thoughts about my body. I have noticed that I compare my body with how it looked when I was younger and I make comparisons with other woman who are around my age. When comparing myself with them, I can look at their body with hardly any judgements, but when it comes to myself, it hurts to observe my own thoughts because it all comes down to one crucial point; ‘it’s not good enough’.

What hurts me the most is my own superficial and one-dimensional view at my body. What I don’t see and tend to forget, is how my body supported me in my life, even the decades that I lost connection with it and was in my mind all the time.

So, time to investigate my thoughts and change them in real-time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my body with my body when I was younger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my body is aging, that I gave birth to a child and that it has to endure a lot of my harmful thoughts about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my body with other woman and to think that they are better of with their bodies then I am with mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my body is not good enough and that it needs to be perfect to attract a potential partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my body isn’t attractive anymore when it’s aging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a layer of guilt because of my own thoughts about my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish my body when looking at it with a superficial, onedimensional and judgemental ‘eye’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look in the mirror and see my hair as too thin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look in the mirror and see my belly and my body as a whole as too thick.

When and as I am aware of me looking in a mirror and judge my body, I stop and breath. I will investigate my thoughts -as judgements- and apply self-forgiveness and self-correction at them so I can see clearly and without any judgements.

I do realize that I can look in the mirror and see my body for what it is; it gives me the opportunity to experience myself on earth, within this life and it stands with me for a long time now.

I commit myself to stop my judgements in real time so I can see my body for what it is and appreciate it by taking good care and give and support my body with what it needs.

I commit myself to write down all the things that I am grateful for when it comes down to my body.

 

 

 

 

Day 326 how to balance social media with real life

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I was involved in a conversation on Twitter a few weeks ago and I noticed that it was easy to misinterpreted the messages from others. Although the topic was very relevant to me, I withdraw myself out of the conversation because of me not wanting to communicate with others when I don’t get the full context and thus might misinterpreted the message of the other person or that I am misinterpreted.

I have a preference for talking to people in real life, where I can also see their non-verbal communication and where there is enough time to have a real conversation on things that matter; could be personal or things that matter in this world in general. Also to laugh and hang out with eachother.

Lately I was having the thought of wanting to quit with social media and when I investigated this thought a bit further, I saw how much I am wanting to spend more time with people in real life and less on social media. This interview supported me with my questions about the whole point. It made me realize that balance is key between real life and social media, to find balance between excercising and sitting on a chair behind my laptop for quite some time and indeed, to find balance between meeting people on social media and in real life. That last one made me realize that I was creating an imbalance between spending too much time on surfing the internet while on the other hand I really am missing having actual real life interactions with people more. Hanging out with them outside of my house, engaging in activities in nature or in the city, at least spending time with eachother.

What I am going to do is to find a solution that fits me personally with my interests and responsibilities so I can find more balance between social media and real life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to create an imbalance between spending time on social media and participating in activities in real life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an imbalance between spending time behind my laptop surfing the internet and exercising my body, where I ignore my body and as a result of that, creating consequences that aren’t beneficial for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to ignore my body when it’s communicating with me that it wants more exercising and I am aware of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around with this empty feeling when I surf the internet and at the same time ignore my wish for having more real life contact with people than I have now and to not search for a solution that fits me personally and my responsibilities.

When and as I am aware of me spending to much time on social media, I stop and breath. I will investigate my thoughts and apply self-forgiveness and self-correction on my realisations. I will push myself to do something else in a way that is more effective and supportive.

I realize that I can balance my participation on social media and meeting people in real life just by taking action on this point and so;

I commit myself to spend more time with people in real life and less on social media by taking action and arrange meetings.

I commit myself to take action on the exercise point so I will support my body with more movement that will lead to more strength and a better condition than it is now.

 

 

 

 

Day 325 from being judgmental to supporting my body

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I have built a closer relationship since only a few years with my body. In my process I came to realize that my body is supporting me and that it gives me the opportunity to experience myself in this life. Before this realization my body was ‘just there’. I wasn’t connected with it in a caring way, because most of the time I was busy with the world around me, not paying attention to myself.

For decades I had ignored the signals my body gave me when I ate enough but still continued to eat. I ignored the tiredness after I ate an overdose of sugar, day in and day out for years and years.  I ignored the rest and support my body needed when it was sick and instead I continued with work, school or daily responsibilities. The effects of smoking I ignored for many years until the signals became literally to painful to ignore. This could happen because I didn’t care about me in the first place, I didn’t love myself at all.

I became more aware of my body when I started my journey inwards. The journey inwards was the beginning of an intimate relationship with myself and simultaneously with my body.

Through gaining more understanding of how thoughts, emotions and feelings were effecting my body, I could see the consequences. I started to investigate them and discovered that I wasn’t supporting myself at all. It was a race to the bottom where I hit the ground really hard. In that moment I made the decision to take another direction in my life and started the journey inwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay attention to the world outside of me and to not take responsibility for what’s going on in my mind and body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my body is ‘just there’ and to use this thought as a distraction from my self-responsibility.to keep in touch with what is going on inside me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the signal that my body is giving me when I ate too much food or I ate an overdose of sugar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take enough rest when my body is sick and to not support it with what it needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I crossed the boundaries of my body and instead have the thought that my body will do whatever and whenever I want it to do as if it were a machine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that what I am doing with my thoughts to my body is also mirroring the relationship I have with myself and with life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start addictions to sugar and cigarettes and to justify them with compromising thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is a relationship between my thoughts, emotions, feelings and my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see the purpose of my body; that it is supporting me to experiencing myself in this life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the needs of my body and to withhold it from the right nutrition and balance in rest it specifically needs.

When and as I am aware of ignoring signals my body gives me, I stop and breath. I do realize that my body communicates with me and supports me in my process.

I commit myself to enhance the relationship with my body, providing it with specific nutrition, movement and to balance movement with the amount of rest that my body needs.

I commit myself to investigate my thoughts, ideas, judgments and patterns I held about my body and to release them through writing Self-Forgiveness statements and correct them with words that support myself as life as who I truly am.

 

 

Day 324 being too dominant/one-sided in my communication

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I had the opportunity to do a coaching session with a coach and her horse. The coach gave me an assignment to do together with the horse, in accordance to the question I brought in. As I was busy with the horse and the assignment, the coach gave me feedback about what I was showing in my interaction: I was leading the horse and I didn’t communicate with her or gave her any space for communication with me. It showed me how one-sided and dominant I was in this situation.

I could relate to this in my daily life; I can be dominant in my communication and tend to forget about giving space to the other person so we can actually communicate with eachother. This occurred  after a long period in my life where I didn’t participate or give direction to myself in a conversation. Most of the time I would only listen. Since this realization and knowing more of how to direct myself within communication, I could say that now I went too far in it. This is not what is best for me and the other person. I corrected my behaviour in my coachingssession by giving the horse more space to bring in herself and I noticed how much more relaxed it was for the both of us. Less control, more playfulness and respect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gain confidence in directing myself within communication and going too far in it; meaning being dominant and one-sided.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that leading a horse means that I have to be in control over her and she needs to do what I want her to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that a horse is somebody too and that she might not be able to say something to me but she can actually communicate with me through her body language and her actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to communicate one-sided to the horse and be dominant within it. I only hear myself and I don’t pay attention to the horse and who she is and what she wants and needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to be in control over the situation because I think the other will be dominant/controlling over me when I let go of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I give space to myself and equally to the other person, we can actually see, listen and communicate with eachother. It is then much more relaxed.

When and as I see myself communicating one-sided and dominant with another person, I stop and I breath. I will investigate my startingpoint as thoughts and apply Self-forgiveness and Self-correction on them so I can direct myself in the conversation.

I do see, realize and understand that within communication with another person, there is space for the both of us to bring ourselves in and that this can lead to actually seeing and hearing eachother and so we can both direct the conversation to what is best for us.

I commit myself to direct myself in conversations in a way that there is space and time for myself and also for the other person to bring in what they want. Within this, we both have control over the situation and can direct it to an outcome that is best for us.

 

 

Day 323 inspiration, where are you when I need you?!

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At the end of 2017 I was in a situation that I had walked several paths in my life that came to an end. I was very passionate about some of them and I have learned a lot along the way. I don’t see it as failing but more as pathways that have contributed to my development and growth. With each path I had walked, I learned new skills and expanded myself. I have pushed myself out of my comfortzone to do things that I was afraid of. For example working with kids and elderly, being a projectleader, keeping a business administration, introducing a new product and for a short amount of time I was part of a cliënt counsil.

Now back to the end of 2017; All of the pathways had ended and I realized that for the first time in my life, I didn’t know which path to take. I had no idea at all and I noticed this panic within me; like I was lost and out of direction. I was looking for a word that could support me within this situation and what came up was the word ‘inspiration’.

The word ‘inspiration’ was a well-known friend of mine back in the nineties when I was a Fashion-Academy student. I had to come up with a design-collection from scratch and I was used to inspiration coming to me almost at the time that I needed it. And now it didn’t happen, nothing, zero, nada.

After a talk with my buddy about this I realized that I have limited myself by defining inspiration as something that is here right away – instantly when I need it. She showed me another perspective; to take the time and patience to look at it for a while, knowing that something is out there, but it’s not immediately clear where it will take me. And sometimes inspiration is like a seed that is planted and takes time to mature within me. This was an eye-opener that really supported me.

In the beginning of this year I got an interesting email that leads me to the start of a whole new pathway…

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to feel fear when I don’t know which direction I can take in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like there is no ground underneath my feet when I don’t have a direction in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel panic and feeling like I am standing still – no movement when there is no direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it’s a dead end when there is no direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop myself from common sense and solutions when I panic and go into a negative state of mind where everything seems to be hopeless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself to have the perspective that inspiration can instantly come to me when I think I need it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am lost and don’t know which road to take and to not see, realize and understand that inspiration is out there and it might take a while to see it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 322 am I really supporting our cat?

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We have moved to a new house recently, bringing our cat with us. The cat was only used to the old house for five years and so I was wondering how she would cope in her new environment.

I let her stay inside for about 7 or 8 days. I already noticed that she wanted to go outside and after a few considerations, I let her go. She was very careful and only stayed in the garden for a while. After a few encounters (read battles) with another cat, she decided to stay in the house and would only leave for a short period of time.

This was a new situation for all of us, because we were used to our cat being outside a big part of the day or night, mostly for hunting or playing with another cat.

She was a bit stressed of the whole situation and was much more depending on us. Meaning; she wanted a lot more attention from me. At first I didn’t get her signals but she repeatedly asked for my attention with her ‘play-eyes’ (big black pupils) and swinging tail. So I started to play with her, but it was only for a short period of time that it was fun for her. I even bought some new toys as it seems that the old toys were not interesting anymore, but again, she was only entertained for a short while. She just sits there watching me picking up the ball time after time and throwing it through the livingroom.

Another thing she wanted is to go outside, but with me. As soon as I came home from work or something, she gives clear signals that she wants to go outside with me. That’s when I got irritated because that was not my plan and I wish it was the same way as in our old house; her being outside most of the day, on her own, hunting and playing.

When I recently read a certain facebook post, I had a realization and it really opened up my eyes;  my cat only sees me and my daughter during the day. She has no other connections, no Social Media, no TV, no telephone. Nobody else to play with. She trusts me that I support her, she even asks me for it by giving clear signals. As a result of this realization I am now supporting her to go out for a walk together, so she can get used to her new environment and feel safe to explore it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the signals my cat gives me and only respond to it when she repeatedly tries to get my attention.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider my own wants and needs when I come home and ignore the attention my cat wants from me as soon as I come in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to feel too tired to play with the cat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it boring to play with the cat and to not see, realize and understand that my cat has no one else but me and my daughter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stick to my own plan and thus ignore my cats needs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought that I would like it to be as it was in our old house and neighbourhood and to not see, realize and understand that this is not reality anymore.

When and as I am aware of me ignoring my cat’s needs because of my self-interest alone, I stop and breath. I do realize that my cat is depending on me for support and company and thus;

I commit myself to support my cat with what she needs and to play with her when I can self-honestly say that I have the time for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 321 fear of leadership

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I am very fascinated by leadership and managing people. I have read a lot of books about this topic. Why? Because I have worked in companies where I saw people in leadership positions that weren’t fit for the job. I saw the consequences of it all for the teams/the people.  It really did hurt me to see people becoming smaller and more insecure because of bad leadership/managing people. What I saw and realized is that a lack of trust, ‘wanting to stay in control’ and not knowing how to direct people, was causing the problem, over and over again. It was a huge frustration for me at that time to realize and not knowing what good leadership was all about so I started to read about it. The point that I didn’t saw in leaders was the point of coaching people; how to support them in reaching their utmost potential. To get the best out of them so it would lead to more quality and sustainable growth of the business.

Reading about it was a great help but more importantly and effective; bringing back the word ‘leadership’ to myself was of most support. Redefining the word; what did it meant to me in the past and how do I want to live it? What is real leadership and how can I create myself as a leader – for myself first? It is a process with falling back into comfort zones, standing up again, pushing myself through resistances, not giving up on myself, learn from my mistakes and expanding myself.

I was recommended to watch this video from Sunette where she shared her process with becoming a leader and managing people. It’s an excellent support for those who want to live their utmost potential.

I will apply self-forgiveness and self-correction on the points I come across in my process of living the word ‘leadership’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being hard on myself for making a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a mistake and react to it by going straight back into my comfort zone of making myself invisible for the rest of the world, stepping into my introverted character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go straight back into my comfort zone of being introverted, making myself invisible for the rest of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up for myself when I am falling/making a mistake and to not push myself through the resistances to move on and expand myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to stumble and fall but instead wanting to be perfect at once without realizing it’s a process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strongly resist the position of becoming/being a leader/managing people because of the fear of falling, making mistakes, being not good enough and taking responsibility for myself and as a result of this fear, holding myself back from expanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that life gives me situations that will assist and support me to step up for myself, not accepting and allowing less than my utmost potential and instead go into self pity not seeing that these situations are seeds to step up and expand myself to live my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that ‘I can’t do this’ instead of asking myself the question ‘how can I do this?’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a good example for others in a leadership position.

When and as I see myself wanting to give up on myself, I stop and breath. I will investigate my thoughts and apply self-forgiveness and self-correction on my realizations.

I do realize that it’s a process to become a good (Self)leader, where I will stumble and fall, make mistakes and have to push myself through resistances and out of my comfort zone of being introverted, making myself invisible for the world and instead step up for myself and expand and create myself as the best leader I can be.

I commit myself to keep investigating what skills and talents  do I need to develop within myself  to assist and support myself in the process of living the word leadership. I commit myself to reach out for people that can and will support me in this process.

 

 

 

Day 320 how to make a real yes or no

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There have been enough situations in my life where I have said yes or no to a question or situation without considering myself in it or the consequences. I would simply ‘follow my positive feelings’ which I saw as my intuition that would lead me in the ‘right’ direction. Most of the time it would lead to unwanted consequences for myself and  for those who were involved.

I can be very enthusiastic, saying yes very quickly before I make an informed decision within myself, weighing all the possible facts and outcomes, who’s involved within it, what do I need, what are the consequences short and long term. It helps me a lot to take the time to create a real yes or no, an advice my father once gave me; ‘sleep over it for a night’, which allows me to take the time to investigate the situation or the question. First I will make a clear decision for myself, then talk it through with others who are involved in it and so in the consequences of it all. If I do it this way, I make sure it is a balanced decision. It will support me in periods of my life when I have allready a lot of responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say yes immediately to a question or situation and to not consider the consequences of my decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in an enthusiastic energetic state when saying yes to something, where I can see the desire to do things for others so I can validate myself through them as I want them to see me as a giving and friendly person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate positive energy so I can fulfill my desire to validate myself through others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my positive feelings and seeing them as my intuition and to not see, realize and understand that this is not a real and sustainable direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my real needs in a decision that I need to make and instead only see what I can do for others to generate positive energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not first take the responsibility to really care for myself in a decision that I need to make.

When and as I see myself wanting to say yes (or no)  immediately without making an informed decision within myself, I stop and I breath. I will take the time to investigate the question or situation within myself, looking for all possible outcomes and consequences so I can make it a real yes or no.

I commit myself to – when needed – take the time to say yes or no, investigate possible outcomes, weigh things out, look for the consequences short- and long term and see who is involved within my decision. I see, realize and understand that in doing it this way, I can make it a real yes or no and step into it (or not) with full responsibility for myself and my decision.