Day 335 Self-forgiveness and corrections on my thoughts about debt

Self-Forgiveness - Cornerstone Christian Counseling

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get myself into debt -a personal loan- without educating myself first on what debt is and the long-term consequences of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I get myself into debt for things that I don’t need and which only fuel my short term wants, needs and desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not educate myself about debt before going into  it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get into debt with a startingpoint that is based on self-interest and to not use common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create issues around debt and to not investigate where those issues come from and to not stop them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my debt for a long time, not dealing with it and paying it off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it’s not the debt that causes the tension and stress, what I am really worried about are the things that coming up, about what can go wrong and I don’t have the money to pay back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fear when going into debt because of me thinking that I will never be able to pay it back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put pressure and tension on my body for years and to not see, realize and understand the long term consequences for my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, now I am debt free, I will never ever go into debt again and to not see, realize and understand that the whole worldsystem is based on debt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that when I borrow money, that I borrow it from debt itself, so I am always paying back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the debt system is an external manifestation of who we are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am taking from life and that debt starts with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the debt I should carry upon my shoulders, is the debt that I have to pay back to my physical body, to life and to myself.

When and as I am aware of me going into fear when faced with debt, I stop and I breath. I realize that I can stand equal to debt as what is accepted and allowed as the worldsystem we have today.

I commit myself to, whenever I am  faced with debt, to make sure it’s a practical debt as a future investment and to not make unnecessary debt and to not make it a big issue. I will hold on to what I need to create in my life, to add in the things that I need.

I commit myself to pay back to life, my body and being by taking good care on a daily basis.

I commit myself to fullfil myself as a person as much as I can and to see, realize and understand that there is no problem with that.

 

 

 

 

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Day 334 Let’s talk about debt

I remember the time when I was in my early twenties and went to the bank for a personal loan. I was a student back then and although I had a job besides my study, and paying all the bills that came in, I run out of money before the end of the month. Back then it was easy to get a loan, and so I took one.

Although it wasn’t a large amount of money that I borrowed,  I felt the burden of it in form of conflict within me. I never took responsibility for paying it back. Until twenty years later I was sick and tired of it and reached out for help. I took responsibility for paying back my debt and within 3 years I was able to start again with a blanc sheet.

It was interesting to experience the relief I felt when I got rid of my debt. I realize how much of a burden it really was to carry it with me me all of those years. This interview supported me to see what’s really behind all the stress, pressure and tension. It’s not actually about debt, what I am really worried about is things coming up that could go wrong and that I don’t have the money to pay it back. It’s my fears with ‘what if’.

Looking back I can see that my debt wasn’t necessary at all. It was a mixture of not being educated about money, debt and how to handle it all when living on my own for the first time, and for not taking responsability to educate myself about it.

I took the loan because it gave me the opportunity to spend it on things that I didn’t need, like fancy clothes which were very important for me at that time in my life. In the short run it gave me something to fuel my desires and wants, but on the moment I took the loan and created debt in my bankaccount, I never realized how much pressure I created upon myself in the long run/my future and on my body.

The unnecessary debt teached me a lesson about consequences and to never do that again. Instead, I had to learn how to spend my money in a more objective and practical way. Using common sense when buying something. What supported me back then, and still is these days, is to ask myself the question, ‘do I really need this?’ everytime I want to buy something. It has helped me with getting a mindset that is more effectively balanced between my wants & desires and being practical in my decisions. I can now assert myself in making decisions when it comes to debt; when I am standing before it, I will make sure that it is a practical debt as a future investment instead of an unnecessary debt.

In the next blog I will write Self-forgiveness statements about any reactions I still have to debt.

 

 

 

Day 333 The answer is always right in front of me

The answer is right in front of US! An old clue found in ...

As we all have to make decisions in our lives, I have found out that sometimes I can make them in an absolute certainty; I know what I want, or not. It’s clear and solid to me and if feels natural.

When I look back in my life (especially in my teenage years),  at the decisions I have said ‘yes’ to in an absolute certainty, those where the decisions were I have learned most about myself or I expanded myself through strengthing my talents or developing new skills.

However, nowadays, I am sometimes confronted with situations where I freeze within myself when I have to make a decision. What’s behind it is fear, the fear of having to make a choice. At the moment for instance, I am faced with more than one direction that I am able to take in my work. I can also see that my talents and skills will fit in any direction that I choose. Now being aware of this makes me go into freezemode right away. And I leave it just there, I don’t investigate or search for what is best to do while the answer is right in front of me.

The point I missed and that leads me to an answer as a certain and clear decision, is to give myself all  context; everything and all that is involved. What I can do in this situation is;

  • to take everything in consideration
  • to take the people that are involved in my life in consideration
  • to look at the possibilities and probabilities
  • to see when and if I go this or that way, what will be best?

Instead of gifting this to myself, I just go into a reaction immediately. And thus,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear by going into freezemode when faced with having to make a decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to panic in fear when I am faced with more than one opportunities within my work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realized and understand that the answer is right in front of me, in this case a decision that I can be clear on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the responsibility to direct myself out of my freezemode and instead, leave myself hanging in there for a while.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear control me and to not change this in real-time when being aware of this fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not gift myself  the context of all  and everything that is involved and that will lead me into an answer that is a clear decision.

When and as I am aware of me going into fear/freezemode when faced with having to make a decision, i stop and I breath. I realize that the answer is right in front of me and so I commit myself to give myself full context of everything and all that is/are involved in the situation so I can make a clear decision.

 

I can recommend this interview with support on having to make a decision;

Why your weakest points are your greatest strength – life review

 

 

 

 

Day 332 understanding the intensity of sadness

grayscale photo of person's back

I have noticed that I am still carrying an intense feeling of sadness within me since Prince died in 2016. When hearing he died, I wasn’t able to speak about it for a few hours because of the overwhelming emotions I felt within me.

Because of it coming up every once and while, and feeling the intensity again, I wanted to understand it so I can release it while knowing that experiencing sadness is normal.

I have listened to this interview to be able to understand what sadness is. It is an energetic experience that actually accumulates in our mind, beingness and body throughout  time. It’s not an experience that all of a sudden is coming up out of nowhere when someone is not in your world or reality anymore.

When developing an intimate relationship (in my case with a specific kind of artist and his music) over time, the sadness emotional energy already starts accumulating, manifesting and layering within my mind at the start of it. I was mentally preparing myself for the moment of loss because the more intimacy you develop over time, with something or someone,  what also simulthaneously develop is that fear of loss.

But how much of our relationship is  more energetically based than really in fact are reality, practically, physically and meaningfull based?

What I did is constructively used my imagination and place the artist and his music in front of me and saw how much my relationship with his music is energy based. In this case with positive energy. I have accumulated this in my mind, beingness and body over time in more than 30 years.

After listening to the interview, I can see that there is gratefulness  within me for the real joy this artist still brings in my life through his music.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel absolutely overwhelmed by the sadness I experience after Prince died.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the sadness and the intensity of it, while knowing that it is a very unpleasant experience within me and to not investigate what sadness actually is.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to assume that sadness is suddenly created and manifested in the moment someone leaves this reality and to not consider that the intensity and overwhelming extent of the sadness I experience in those moments shows that it must have accumulated over time in my mind, being and body and could not have been generated in an instant moment of loosing someone.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand  that the energy of sadness already starts accumulating, manifesting and layering within me, within and throughout the time that I am developing an intimate relationship with something or someone.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that I have created the habit of simultaneously developing a relationship with someone and in the back of my mind, already preparing myself for the moment of losing that someone.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a positive energy based relationship with the artist and his music and to not see, realize and understand how this in fact is related to my fear of loosing his music when he died.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience sadness as a comfortable energy and to belief that it makes the loss more bearable and meaningful.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that so long as I am sad by the loss of Prince, that I am still honouring him through my sadness, as though the sadness is keeping him alive in me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that without being the artist here in my world,  what remains is the music and the gift of the words that I saw he was expressing, being able to gift this to myself.  Therefore I am grateful.

 

I especially recommend the interview  when being in a close and intimate relationship and/or when you have lost someone you were close to and the person is out of your reality/world.

 

 

 

Day 331 Saggitarius, is this who I am?

Sagittarius Zodiac Sign | My Astral Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as my zodiac sign, which is Saggitarius and to not see, realize and understand that by doing this, I am limiting myself to grow and develop because I see the zodiac sign characteristics as fixed and definitive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my Saggitarius characteristics determine who I am and to not see, realize and understand that I can use them as a cross-reference and support to expand myself more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ask other people about their zodiac sign to determine whether or not to continue our contact as something that is preordained to fail or succeed where I do realize that this is a limited view.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will miss a substantial amount of opportunities of really getting to know people when I see them as  only their zodiac sign characteristics and to not put effort in making contact when there is no compatibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I, in fact, can create effective relationships with people just by getting to know them and spending time with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project a possible outcome in the future based on zodiac sign characteristics and having faith in this. And within doing this, creating dependency in faith instead of creating the relationship by taking initiative and time to really getting to know someone.

I do realize that characteristiscs of my zodiac sign can tell something about my strengths and weaknesses and can be used as a bridge of support to strengthen my weaknesses by working on them and so I commit myself to strengthen my weaknesses by working on them when I see this is best for all.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I can take the initiative and  time to really getting to know someone and create a relationship with them based on who I am and who they are when walking next to them.

Recommended:

https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-astrology-past-and-present-part-1

https://eqafe.com/p/interview-request-astrology-past-and-present-part-2

 

 

 

 

 

Day 330 finding balance in new situations

balance

The year 2018 has brought me some major changes. I started a study and the study itself is brand new in my country. I can say it’s a challenge for everyone involved because pioneering means that we have to pave a way without having the experience from others. It’s walking a path that is still unknown and it comes with great uncertainty and services that are not yet available. It’s also a position that is lonely and it helps that I am part of group that experiences the same; we are in it together.

Myself and my body need to adapt to all the changes and I have a really hard time finding balance in what is being asked from me and what I am able to give.

What is interesting, is that I was ‘handling’ all of it by searching for solutions outside myself; ‘if this or that should change, it will be much better for me and than I will find balance’. I was blaming the whole situation for my imbalance until I reached the point of me ‘wanting to quit the whole damn thing’ and walk away.  This I would have done in the past for sure but it’s an action that isn’t valid now because I trust myself and my vision in this chosen path. What I need to do is to direct myself; take a look inside, finding answers in  what I need/will support me and speak up about what the best solution will be for me (and so for the others involved).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience an inbalance within myself in a chaotic situation and search outside for the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others/the situation for my imbalance and to think that/they need to change so I will find balance again and to not see, realize and understand that solutions are within me and that I am responsible for my body and health.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘want to give up the whole damn thing’ and as a result of this thought, I loose my ‘why’. Why I stepped in this adventure in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see the situation in a one dimensional view and to not consider all dimensions in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can create space for myself to find the answer I need by writing it all out and see things in perspective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the need within me for space, where I can support myself with all the fears that are coming up within the uncertainty of the unknown path I am walking.

When and as I am aware of myself searching for answers outside myself, I stop and I breath. I will direct myself within writing Self-forgiveness and Self-correction so I can see what is best for me- and others.

When and as I am aware of wanting to walk away from a decision I once made, based on black and white thoughts as seeing the only solution in it, I stop and I breath. I will write it all out, apply SF and SC until I see a solution that is best all.

I commit myself to create the space I need to be able to adjust to all the new changes that are going on.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I can find all solutions/support I need within myself.

I commit myself to investigate and consider all dimensions involved in a situation so I can find a solution that is best for all.

Day 329 Self-created believes about money and Life

blue Work Harder neon signage

 

This blog is a continuation from the previous one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought that I have a right to live here on earth only when I have money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I only have value for myself and others, when I have money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that when I don’t have money, I don’t have a right to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that without money I am nothing, I will gain no respect from myself or other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my startingpoint of giving me a reason to live is money and not Life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that Life itself doesn’t need money to be able to exist. It is already Here and always has been.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to work for money/to have access to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I need to work harder to be able to earn more money and thus more Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from life by holding on to the idea that I need money to be able to have access to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fully believe the lie – as a thought-  that I need money to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to think that I need to survive here on earth and to not see, realize and understand that this is a self-created thought to separate me from Life that is Here already.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that Life itself needs to be valued and honoured instead of money.

I do realize that we as humanity somewhere in history, decided to live with money as a way to trade food and products and somewhere down that line, we began to see money as god, something to live for. By doing that, we separate ourselves from Life. We can make a choice to be in allignment with Life by giving everyone a Living Income that is guaranteed from birth till dead. A life that is best for all.

 

Day 328 how can I really help others with no money?

 

For a while now I was puzzling with the question within myself of how to support others when they don’t have the money for the help they need.

In this world when you have money you can buy time, space and support that is specifically needed for you; a coach, a therapist, a counselor etc. If needed, you take more time for yourself and decide to work less or take a month or more off from work to work on the things that you struggle with in life. You can stay autonomous and free to choose what is specifically needed for you.

The majority of people in this world have no money or just enough to be able to provide a minimum income to pay food and bills. When they reach out for help, they immediately loose their autonomy and freedom of choice to find the specific help they need. There is a huge prejudice in this world that people without money don’t know how to help themselves and theirfore others -with money- direct people to listen to them as this outside authority that knows best. This has consequences that are not best for them.

I was looking at this prejudice within myself and could clearly see that I had held the idea of me being someone because I have money. And when I have money, I have the right to be here/to live. If not, I am nothing and I have no right to live on this earth. I have no meaning whatsoever to exist. So somewhere in my life I have created this thought, this idea that money gives me acces to life. In the next blog I will apply self-forgiveness and self-correction on this point.

If we provide enough money for all of humanity, it will help eachother with the specific support everyone needs. It will help people stay autonomous within their choices.

I am trying to find a way to help people who struggle and reach out for support and don’t have money for it. How can I create time and space within the current system for real support?  It begins with me.

This interview was of great support for me within the point of supporting someone. I quote; ‘you need to be the person that hold their hands, no matter how long it takes, but that handholding relationship should be defined within a written agreement’. This is the frame that is really needed; support can only work when there is an agreement with myself first;

  • what do I expect of myself?
  • what is it that I like to achieve?
  • what am I going to accept and allowe and what not?

We create space in the system for people by giving equal money to all. We can create space within ourselves by taking away our prejudices, with no timeframe set because looking at myself; it took me 6 years to walk through some tough points in my life ( I was completely lost within myself) to where I am now. In this 6 years I am (and still) supported by people who walk with me, who never react to my process, and stick with me as long as I stick with myself and my own agreement.

A few other words from the interview that I find very supportive when supporting myself and/or others; start small, be realistic, be honest and start with how much you can handle. Don’t compare yourself with others.

As long as I am committed and work on my own self-agreement and the other is on theirs, the support is real.

 

Day 327 judgements about my body

Pop, Pop In Spiegel Kijken, Griezelige

For quite some time I have judgmental thoughts about my body. I have noticed that I compare my body with how it looked when I was younger and I make comparisons with other woman who are around my age. When comparing myself with them, I can look at their body with hardly any judgements, but when it comes to myself, it hurts to observe my own thoughts because it all comes down to one crucial point; ‘it’s not good enough’.

What hurts me the most is my own superficial and one-dimensional view at my body. What I don’t see and tend to forget, is how my body supported me in my life, even the decades that I lost connection with it and was in my mind all the time.

So, time to investigate my thoughts and change them in real-time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my body with my body when I was younger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my body is aging, that I gave birth to a child and that it has to endure a lot of my harmful thoughts about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my body with other woman and to think that they are better of with their bodies then I am with mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my body is not good enough and that it needs to be perfect to attract a potential partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my body isn’t attractive anymore when it’s aging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a layer of guilt because of my own thoughts about my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish my body when looking at it with a superficial, onedimensional and judgemental ‘eye’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look in the mirror and see my hair as too thin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look in the mirror and see my belly and my body as a whole as too thick.

When and as I am aware of me looking in a mirror and judge my body, I stop and breath. I will investigate my thoughts -as judgements- and apply self-forgiveness and self-correction at them so I can see clearly and without any judgements.

I do realize that I can look in the mirror and see my body for what it is; it gives me the opportunity to experience myself on earth, within this life and it stands with me for a long time now.

I commit myself to stop my judgements in real time so I can see my body for what it is and appreciate it by taking good care and give and support my body with what it needs.

I commit myself to write down all the things that I am grateful for when it comes down to my body.

 

 

 

 

Day 326 how to balance social media with real life

juri-gianfrancesco-655957-unsplash

I was involved in a conversation on Twitter a few weeks ago and I noticed that it was easy to misinterpreted the messages from others. Although the topic was very relevant to me, I withdraw myself out of the conversation because of me not wanting to communicate with others when I don’t get the full context and thus might misinterpreted the message of the other person or that I am misinterpreted.

I have a preference for talking to people in real life, where I can also see their non-verbal communication and where there is enough time to have a real conversation on things that matter; could be personal or things that matter in this world in general. Also to laugh and hang out with eachother.

Lately I was having the thought of wanting to quit with social media and when I investigated this thought a bit further, I saw how much I am wanting to spend more time with people in real life and less on social media. This interview supported me with my questions about the whole point. It made me realize that balance is key between real life and social media, to find balance between excercising and sitting on a chair behind my laptop for quite some time and indeed, to find balance between meeting people on social media and in real life. That last one made me realize that I was creating an imbalance between spending too much time on surfing the internet while on the other hand I really am missing having actual real life interactions with people more. Hanging out with them outside of my house, engaging in activities in nature or in the city, at least spending time with eachother.

What I am going to do is to find a solution that fits me personally with my interests and responsibilities so I can find more balance between social media and real life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to create an imbalance between spending time on social media and participating in activities in real life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an imbalance between spending time behind my laptop surfing the internet and exercising my body, where I ignore my body and as a result of that, creating consequences that aren’t beneficial for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to ignore my body when it’s communicating with me that it wants more exercising and I am aware of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around with this empty feeling when I surf the internet and at the same time ignore my wish for having more real life contact with people than I have now and to not search for a solution that fits me personally and my responsibilities.

When and as I am aware of me spending to much time on social media, I stop and breath. I will investigate my thoughts and apply self-forgiveness and self-correction on my realisations. I will push myself to do something else in a way that is more effective and supportive.

I realize that I can balance my participation on social media and meeting people in real life just by taking action on this point and so;

I commit myself to spend more time with people in real life and less on social media by taking action and arrange meetings.

I commit myself to take action on the exercise point so I will support my body with more movement that will lead to more strength and a better condition than it is now.